The Beginning (Reposted from the Healing Forums)

Because apparently what I do now is rescue things before they are deleted forever from the internets…

I did not write this. It was originally posted in the World of Warcraft Official Forums Healing Forum by Amabella.

Zarhym 1:1-31

1. In the beginning Ghostcrawler created the instance and the raid.

2. And the raid was without mobs, or loot; and darkness was upon the dungeon journal. And the developers of Ghostcrawler iterated upon the specs of the healers.

3. And Ghostcrawler said, Let there be absorbs: and there was PW:S.

4. And Ghostcrawler saw the shield, that it was good: and Ghostcrawler divided the absorbs from the heals.

5. And Ghostcrawler called the absorbs balanced, and the healing he called useful. And the shielding and the healing healed the first raid.

6. And Ghostcrawler said, Let there be a spec with the power of the absorbs, and let it call forth the tears of the healers.

7. And Ghostcrawler made the disc priest, and divided the healers which were without absorbs from the healers which were granted absorbs: and it was so.

8. And Ghostcrawler called the disc priest balanced. And the crying on the forums encompassed the second raid.

9. And Ghostcrawler said, Let the buffs of the disc priest be gathered together unto one place, and let the spamming begin: and it was so.

10. And Ghostcrawler called the spammed spell PoH; and the spamming of the PoH called forth the Seas of tears: and Ghostcrawler saw that it was good.

11. And Ghostcrawler said, Let the disc priest bring forth damage, the fire and the smite, and the penance producing more healing offensively than when used to heal, even more than CoH: and it was so.

12. And the absorbs brought forth spirit shell, and it did stack to maximum upon the raid, and the mechanics were ignored, whose damage was absorbed: and Ghostcrawler saw that it was good.

13. And the shielding sniped the healing in the third raid.

14. And Ghostcrawler said, Let there be absorbs in a spec of the paladin to divide it from the throughput healers; and let them be for shocks, and for radiance, and for divine lights, and talents:

15. And let them scale at such great rate as to give rage upon the other healers: and it was so.

16. And Ghostcrawler made two great absorb healers; the disc priest for the first healing slot, and the holy paladin for the second healing slot: he made the shaman, druid, and monk also, but no one cared.

17. And Ghostcrawler set them in the raid to give heals upon the tanks,

18. And to rule over the heroic raids and over the normals, and to divide the progressed from the raids lacking absorbs: and Ghostcrawler saw that it was good.

19. And the shielding crushed the healing in the fourth raid.

20. And Ghostcrawler said, Let the mistweavers bring forth abundantly the healing of great volume, the mists that may cover the raid and randomly heal it.

21. And Ghostcrawler created great set bonuses, and every single healer that readeth mmo-champion did weep upon the power of the T16 four piece: and Ghostcrawler saw that it was good.

22. And Ghostcrawler blessed the mistweavers, saying, Be powerful, and multiply, and fill the raids with green, and let population balance be achieved.

23. And the crazy smart heal chi waves healed the fifth raid.

24. And Ghostcrawler said, Let the druids bring forth mushrooms to store up their hots’ overhealing; and to grant them burst: and it was so.

25. And Ghostcrawler made the mushrooms equal to the power of lay on hands on a fraction of the cooldown, and every holy paladin did weep at this and the destruction of eternal flame: and Ghostcrawler saw that it was good.

26. And Ghostcrawler said, Let us make shaman, because self rezzing is cool: and let them have dominion over the niche of stacked healing, and over the cooldowns, and over the regeneration of mana, and the other healers shall beg them to sacrifice their throughput in the name of raid success.

27. So Ghostcrawler created mana tide totem, and did gift it to shaman only; he gave hymn of hope also to the priests, but it sucked.

28. And so Ghostcrawler blessed the shaman, and Ghostcrawler said unto them, Be powerful, and heal in small radius, and replenish the health, and augment it: but not if it stands more than ten yards away from you.

29. And Ghostcrawler said, Behold, I have created healer balance, which is evident in the composition of all raids, and every spec, in which is the fruit of many developers minds; shall be represented.

30. And to every tank of the raid, and to every melee on the bench, and to every guy that creepeth upon the one female raider, wherein there is damage, I have given healers to heal it: and it was so.

31. And Ghostcrawler saw every thing that he had made, and, behold, it was very good. Except for the part where all 10-mans used disc priests and whatever was the next-most-OP healer.

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